Shut Up

[Disclaimer: Contains lyrics and works from Black Eyed Peas’ Shut Up. All rights belong to their respective owners, and I stand to receive NO funds from this piece, or its publication. Publication is for entertainment purposes only.]

“ We try to take it slow
but we're still losing control
and we try to make it work
But it still ends up the worst
And I'm crazy
For trying to be your lady
I think I'm going crazy”

--

They gonna lock me up, throw away the key/

do their best to keep me off the streets/

you get me going crazy/

and when I’m crazy/

I get dangerous/

‘cuz what you did was traitorous/ treacherous/

right now, I’m playing the role of the insurrectionist/

and I’m feeling like you’re the antagonist/

it was never that way in the past/

the way you fucked me over, wow, that was unsurpassed/

see, I could always bury my head in the sand/

but that was never the plan/ …

--

“Girl, me and you were just fine (you know)
We wine and dine
Did them things that couples do when in love (you know)
Walks on the beach and stuff (you know)
Things that lovers say and do
I love you boo, I love you too
I miss you a lot, I miss you even more”

--

Truth is,

You and I were damn near “perfect”/

but you had to go and sabotage it/

every time I thought we were back on track/

You do it all over again, are you on crack? /

Every time you did it, we broke up/

and every time you fed me false promises, we’d make up/

then I’d come to realise/

Your integrity had, again, been compromised/

when we try work on things, you agree on takin’ it slow/

then you say shit like “when we live together”/

we reach a rocky plain with stormy weather/

and you wonder why the relationship blows/ up…

--

“Why does emotion gotta move so fast
Love is progress if you could make it last
Why is it that you just lose control
Every time you agree on taking it slow
So why does it got to be so damn tough
'cause fools in lust could never get enough of love”

--

Sometimes, it feels like you do all you can/

(maybe even get a pad and pen and plan) /

loads of different ways to destroy us/

hurt me / emotionally desert me/ break my trust/

I bet your relationship with **** wasn’t like this? /

So, why is it, with me, you gotta take the piss? /

Is it possible for love to turn to hate? /

Feels like you’re poking me for a reaction, using this shit as bait/

things were so much simpler when you weren’t in my life/

but I found you, let you get close, practically handed you the knife/

You used to stab me in the back/

while wearing that mask/ of sincerity.

As soon as you got the chance/

You left me to die, with no second glance/ …

--

“ Girl our love is dying
Why did you stop trying
I never been a quitter
But I do deserve better
Believe me I will do bad
Let's forget the past
and let's start this new plan
Why? 'cause it's the same old routine!”

--

Now, I haven’t exactly got much time left to deal with this shit/

I’ve always been determined, but this time, fuck it/ I quit/

There’s just too damn much for my head to get around/

In your swimming pool of betrayal, I have drowned/

All this shit, you surely planned/

Instead of saving me and grabbing my hand/

You held my head down until I stopped struggling/

Stopped choking/ for air.

Then you just walked away/

And now you complain? /

Are you fucking insane? /

… Just Shut Up ...

We're in this Together

We’re in This Together

[For V.B]

[Disclaimer: Contains lyrics and works from Nine Inch Nails’ we’re in This Together. All rights belong to their respective owners, and I stand to receive NO funds from this piece, or its publication. Publication is for entertainment purposes only.]

“Awake to the sound as they peel apart the skin

They pick and they pull

Trying to get their fingers in

Well they’ve got to kill what we’ve found

Well they’ve got to hate what they fear

Well they’ve got to make it go away

Well they’ve got to make it disappear”

--

Leave everything behind

And look to the future

You never know what we might find

Keep your head up Vicks Tixylix

Whenever you need me

You know i'm already there

And I always will be.

--

“You and me

We’re in this together now

None of them can stop us now

We will make it through somehow

You and me

If the world should break in two

Until the very end of me

Until the very end of you”

--

Take my hand, look into my eyes

You know where I've been, and where I'm going,

I’ll take off my disguise

Show you the real me

We can board this plane together

Do some two-step to dubstep

Be birds of a feather… forever

--

“The farther I fall I’m beside you

As lost as I get I’ll find you

The deeper the wound I’m inside you

For ever and ever I’m a part of…”

--

I’m a part of you, like you’re a part of me

You and I will last for ever

Our connection is rare, like the negative of type AB

We’re in this together now

So take my hand

Exchange parts of ourselves, like the Blood Brothers

We’ll walk into the sunset, just as we planned

--

“All that we were is gone, we have to hold on

When all hope is gone, we have to hold on

All that we were is gone, we have to hold on.”

--

Go Your Own Way

[Disclaimer: Contains lyrics and works from Fleetwood Mac’s Go Your Own Way. All rights belong to their respective owners, and I stand to receive NO funds from this piece, or its publication. Publication is for entertainment purposes only.]

--

“Loving you isn’t the thing to do

How can I ever change things I feel?

If I could, maybe I’d give you my world

How can I, when you won’t take it from me?”

--

How can you expect me to love you after all you’ve done?

Do you expect me to forgive and forget?

I gave you everything you asked me to

And yet you force me into a Russian roulette.

--

“You can go your own way, go your own way

You can call it another lonely day

You can go your own way, go your own way”

--

So why don’t you just walk out the door?

Don’t even say goodbye

I’m done with your games

It’s now the time to play the ‘tough guy’

--

“Tell me why everything turned around?

Packing up, shacking up, is all you wanna do

If I could, baby, I’d give you my world

Open up, everything’s waiting for you”

--

Maybe you could tell me why it took so long for you to want me?

I was always your ‘number two’

Now I’ll become someone else’s number one

You had so many chances, each one you blew

--

“You can go your own way, go your own way

You can call it another lonely day

You can go your own way, go your own way”

--

When I see your face, I feel nothing

When I hear your voice, I feel nothing

When you put your arms around me, I feel nothing

When you put your lips to mine, I feel nothing

--

“You can go your own way, go your own way

You can call it another lonely day (another lonely day)

You can go your own way, go your own way

You can call it another lonely day”

--

“You can go your own way, go your own way

You can call it another lonely day

You can go your own way, go your own way”

--

Who?

Who will pinch me to wake me up?

Who will laugh at me when I fall?

Whose breath will I listen for so that I may sleep?

Whose hands will I hold so that I may walk?

Who will be there to stop me walking in the road?

Who is gonna pull me up when I’m feeling down?

Who will bail me out when I am troubled?

Who is gonna turn a smile out of a frown?

--

Who will leave me on these church steps?

For whom will I have these unanswered questions?

Caged In

Caged in this choking stranglehold

Isolated in this glass cell

Light’s off, I’m in darkness

It feels like I’m drowning

Stuck in this never-ending abyss

I can’t breathe, can’t see

Nothing seems to help anymore

Nothing can relieve this pressure

Not cigarettes, drink, or drugs

Even more so, not Paracetamol.

Set You Free

(N.B - This is not about relationships)

 

I gotta walk away when temptations arise/

swallow my pride/

put my feelings to one side/

and do what’s right/

until it subsides/

I can’t remember how many times you’ve made me cry/

I can’t understand how this relationship can survive/ you

Sometimes, I just wanna take flight/

from this mess/

The future’s not orange, it’s not looking bright/

I’m sick of this distress/

I can see myself disappearing into the night/

And I won’t be yours in shining armour/

much longer/

Nor will I stand to gain/

from all I’ve lost/

I hold my head in shame/

‘Cuz I don’t wanna contemplate the end of this road/

The dead end/ I face/ every day/ of my life.

I’ve tossed/ it away. My heart is hardened with frost/

I feel like an impost/er. But I don’t mean to impose/no

I am here tryin’ to compose/

But heaven knows/

When my break’ll be, it may never come, I suppose/

God knows, I’m not a lover/ I’m a born fighter/

I’m a warrior/ But I’m tired of fighting your losing battle/

So I’m gonna throw my rattle/

Out of the pram/

Stop herding me like I’m cattle/

I’m a battl/ing ram/

I’ll tear down your whole army, then your castle/

Set this sham/ of a scam/

Into a blaze of glory/

Won’t bore you with my “Cinderella Story”/

You’ll be at the wrong end of my fury/

You pushed me down and kicked/

Didn’t count on a reaction, but I flipped/

I’ll rise out of these ashes like a Phoenix/

Can you believe this?/

How long will the list/ be/

of the amount of times you’ve dissed me?/

Are you even fucking listening?/

You should get dressed/ in your Sunday best/

Put on your formal threads/ The ones you’d see at a Christening/

‘Cuz I’m about to survive this fire, feeling the burn/

Rise out of these ashes and reflect the Sun, like Edward, I’ll be glistening/

I’m pure and addicting/ affecting/ your subconscious, restricting/ your move/ment like Venom/

abducting/ your heartbeat, advising/ your muscles/ to follow my orders/ adopting/

your body with my mind. Your heart will be aching/ to regain control.

That’ll never happen and you’ll find that to be frustrating/

Your power over me I am annihilating/ You’re finding me tempting/ and alluring/

You’re finding it agonising/ and annoying/

I’m finding it amazing/ and amusing/

You’re assuming/ You can do some begging/ and bargaining/

for your soul. Stop fucking babbling/

I’ll give you your body back when I’m done. Stop bawling/

or you’re in for a beating/

You’re the writer of your own destiny/ Your decisions are under my scrutiny/

So get it done and maybe I’ll set you free…

Resilience.

There are days where I don't wanna wake up/

and nights where I don't even wanna fall asleep/

I start the day popping Pro-plus/

end it popping sleeping pills/

People are always worrying, kicking up a fuss/

get me to let ‘em in, then leave me for dust/

stuffed/ under the sofa cushions like a stale pizza crust/

I gotta do this for me, it’d do or die, all or bust/

If it’s bust/ It’ll be hard to adjust/

left in the garage, like an old piece of trash

gathering rust/

I’m tired of these slags, tramp hussies/

constantly following me around filled with lust/

Leave me alone before I thrust/

A knife into your bust/

My anger is fuelled with disgust/

and I’m about to self combust/

with rage, make you concussed/

I’ll rise out of the radioactive dust/

that you left me in, like Superman does/

right at the start/

of his legacy. For what you’ve put me through, I should get the Purple Heart…/

Kryptonite

I took a walk around the world
To ease my troubled mind
I left my body laying somewhere
In the sands of time
But I watched the world float
To the dark side of the moon

I feel there is nothing I can do, yeah

I watched the world float
To the dark side of the moon
After all I knew it had to be
Something to do with you
I really don’t mind what happens now and then
As long as you’ll be my friend at the end

If I go crazy then will you still
Call me Superman
If I’m alive and well, will you be
There a-holding my hand
I’ll keep you by my side
With my superhuman might
Kryptonite

You called me strong, you called me weak,
But still your secrets I will keep
You took for granted all the times
I never let you down
You stumbled in and bumped your head,
If not for me then you'd be dead
I picked you up and put you back
On solid ground

If I go crazy then will you still
Call me Superman
If I’m alive and well,
Will you be there a-holding my hand
I’ll keep you by my side
With my superhuman might
Kryptonite

If I go crazy then will you still
Call me Superman
If I’m alive and well, will you be there
Holding my hand
I’ll keep you by my side
With my superhuman might
Kryptonite
Yeah!!

If I go crazy then will you still
Call me Superman
If I'm alive and well,
Will you be there a-holding my hand
I'll keep you by my side
With my superhuman might
Kryptonite
Yeah!! 

The Truth Behind The Volatile (A Work in Progress)

See, we used to be one

Now we’re separated into two

I was left broken

And alone

 

I sit down and think back

Wonder how we got this way

Look through all our texts and pictures

And just reminisce of how we used to be

 

You have betrayed me in the worst way possible

And you’ve done it more than once

how can you say you love me,

When you do nothing to change it?

 

So, i decided to take a stand

Once and for all

I have had enough of being treated this way

It has to stop now

 

I grit my teeth and close my eyes

As I delete your texts and pictures

And deal the final blow

Delete you from Facebook and erase your number

 

I feel a little better surrounded in loneliness.

But yet, i still feel empty, fragile and broken

I have to hold myself together

To stop myself falling apart

 

I come to realise that if I ignore you

You’d eventually leave me alone

I’d get over you

You get over me

 

I begin to think that my plan is flawless

Until my phone starts to vibrate, I have a text

I check the sender’s number against my memory…

… It’s you…

 

A mixture of emotions fill my head

They flood through my veins into my heart

I feel pangs of longing, needing, wanting

Takin’ over my hurt, upset, pain, anger, confusion

 

You’ve sent me poems

Detailing our journey

But just like all journeys progress

There has to be an end. There always is.

 

Whether there’s a fork in the road

And you’re stuck for a decision

Or you reach a dead end

And the road hits a brick wall

 

As time progresses, people change

It’s all a matter of whether they change together

Or go their separate ways

And grow apart, or worse still, fall away from each other.

 

People say “True love never dies”

And I’m not entirely sure that’s true

Maybe love just changes

And it doesn’t feel the same anymore

 

Love is just one of many journeys

It can start as a friendship and grow

Or begin a relationship

And dwindle into friendship, or just nothingness…

 

What ever path it takes

It’s participants should never

Take each other for granted

Or take advantage.

 

It feels as if that’s just what you did

Take advantage of my love for you

And the trust I had

How could you?

 

It took long enough for me to trust you

Trust anyone again

It feels like you’ve stabbed me in the back, as you looked into my eyes.

Then left me for dead, without even a look over your shoulder.

 

Those poems disturbed something deep inside of me

I don’t know whether that’s a good thing

Or bad, either way,

It doesn’t matter anymore…

 

As my eyes trace their way over the letters

That form into words, sentences, verses

that tell me of our past

A previously hidden point of view

 

Thoughts and feelings that were shrouded in mystery

Spill onto paper

My mind is working overtime

In reaction to your message

 

My words come out nonchalant and angry

i find myself not caring if I scare you

I’m not bothered how “sorry” you claim to be

I find myself believing it’s all another lie

 

What can I do to make you realise what you have done?

Maybe there’s just no point

Since you can’t possibly care

When it’s always the same

(A Father's Pledge) The Edge

I stand on the edge of this concrete mountain
Watching the people below
I’m finding it hard to contain this pain
I just hope it doesn’t show
I need to find something to stop me falling
Keep myself together “for better or worse”
The thought of you keeps me stalling
Knowing I should have always put you first
I remember the day you were born
The day I found meaning for “Unconditional Love”
You are so beautiful, that’s for sure
I know your mum would be proud, watching you from above
Because I couldn’t be any more proud if I tried
I will always be there for you, always be true
you truly are the apple of my eye
I'll always pick you up when you’re down, or feeling blue
i will do my best to be there to watch you grow
When you reach your teens, and beyond drinking your first beer
So maybe I should just let you know
Whatever happens,
I will always be here

The Past

It’s always easy to live in the past

Because that way we’d always last

I stand over the shallow grave that contains our relationship.

You were my drug, I was addicted, constantly wanting another hit.

Like all drugs, I guess you were bad for me

Although it never felt that way, that’s how it would always be,

Well I’m tired of living in the past

Because deep in my heart we would never have last

I’m sick of wondering what could be

If we reconciled, again, but that’s just not what I need

But I know you’re my soulmate

And if you believe in fate

You’ll realise it would have always ended in this way

With us reaching a stalemate

Once i wanted to marry you

Build a life together, just me and you

Make you my official ‘one and only’

Instead I’ll spend the rest of my time here lonely

They say “true love never dies”

And I’m not saying that is a lie

But sometimes love just isn’t enough

I was besotted, but now my heart is concussed

I will never look at another

You and I were supposed to be forever

Like everyone says “nothing lasts”

You could have been my future,

But now you’ll always be my past…

An Epitaph to my Former Self

 

There are times in life

Where the pieces of the puzzle

Fit like clockwork

And you come to realise

That things are exactly

How they seem

And everything you wished you knew

Just starts to fall apart.

It’s not like you want to care

But you have to

When the ones you love

Are in the firing line.

Pride is their biggest obstacle,

And anger is yours.

Everyone is telling you

What you’re seeing is not

Just ‘in your head’

Apart from the villain

Of this chapter

Of your memoir.

You are finding it hard

To hold your tongue

But you have to

For fear

Of the consequences.

But what you are finding

To be increasingly frustrating

Is the fact you are paranoid

That people are looking

Into your eyes

Knowing what you don’t.

Revelling in your

Unwanted and unintentional

Ignorance.

that has been forced upon

Your shoulders

With unrelenting force

By those to claim

To “care”.

In reality

All they care about is themselves

While you are left picking up the broken pieces

Of the broken mirror that is you.

They leave you to fall down

The rabbit hole.

At the bottom

Is a pit of misery

And spikes.

My mind is not immortal

And is about to be

Vanquished.

For thirteen years I have

been a victim

Of depression.

My mind is not immortal

And is about to be

Vanquished.

Trapped in an infinate web

Of lies and deceit.

Caught up in non-political politics.

Stuck between the depression and manic stages

That make up my

Rock-and-a-hard-place.

My mind is not immortal.

And is about to me

Vanquished.

Vanquished

Of all innocence -

Of all guilt -

Of all anger -

Of all pain…

Of you.

Standing on the Periphery

 

I stand on the periphery/

Thinking about my crass inability/

to see through my own stupidity/

not see through my immaturity/

Buffoonery/

Thinking about you brings pain to my biggest artery/

All the techniques in my artillery/

Could not bring you back to me/

See

Comradery/ is one thing, but pretending would be debauchery/

What happened to us? It’s a mystery/

I can’t work out whether periphery ends in a ‘Y’ or an ‘E’/

I contemplate this as my eyes take in/ the scenery/

My heart is breaking/ it requires surgery/

As my strongest muscle grows stationary/

I tip over the edge as my soul vacates me…/

My Number One

I know that I love you, and I know that you're "the one"
I know you're sorry, for all you've said and done,
But I can't get over it, you've pulled a fast one,
So I pick up the gun, and say goodbye to my "number one"...

Laced with you

The way your eyes sparkle in the moonlight

 The way your grin lights up the room

The way your giggle makes me laugh

Just thinking about you makes me smile.

The way you look at me

The way we touch

The way we kiss

I know love is all of this.

The way you pull me up when I'm feeling down

The way you make me smile when all I wanna do is frown

The times you've pulled me from the edge

Believed me when enemies have nothing better to do but accuse and allege.*

Stopped me from jumping into the abyss

With the promise of another kiss

But here is the absolute truth...

I would overdose on any drug, as long as it was laced with you...

---

* I am sure it is actually spelt alledge... But apparently it isn't anymore... :-|

Skeptical Speculation

There's an ache in my bones I just can't seem to shake
It's a feeling as powerful as hate, and it's more than I can take
It festers in my mind and spreads to my heart
I'm beginning to think I'm blind, I know I'm falling apart

I need to know, will you catch me when I fall?
Can I give my everything without fear of reprisal?
Or will I fall from grace, hurt and subdued?
Will you say it back when I tell you "I love you"?

The missing puzzle piece

Why is it that since I met you,

I can't stop thinking about you?

You're in my life,

You're in my dreams,

There's nothing that will set me free,

From this bond we have,

It can't be broken.

I want this so much.

My world has changed,

Since our first kiss.

I can't have you,

I want you more.

I'm cursing your name.

You're all I want,

To make me complete.

I've been so weak,

I've been so down,

Until you kissed me.

You make me smile,

You make me blush.

You're all I need,

The missing puzzle piece.

Angel

You are my angel from above,
An angel from the stars,
I saw this from the moment I looked into your eyes.
From the moment I met you,
Up until now,
Our friendship holds strong and I don't know how,
A person like you,
Can put up with me,
And stop me feeling so blue.
The sleepless nights,
The tears I've cried,
Are in the past now, because of you.
Now all I can say
Is "I love you",
I always have,
Always will,
I will be there for you forever, until
Our dying day.
Still then,
I won't go.
I'll join you in heaven,
And that's where we'll stay.

You Are

You are my heaven,

You are my hell.

You are my angel,

You are my devil.

Any way I look at you,

You are my life.

You are my everything,

I am your nothing.

Relationships Part III

[Disclaimer: Contains lyrics and works from Katy Perry's Hot and Cold. All rights belong to their respective owners, and I stand to receive NO funds from this publication. Publication is for entertainment purposes only]


'You're hot then you're cold,
You're yes then you're no,
You're in then you're out,
You're up then you're down,
You're wrong when it's right,
It's black then it's white,
We fight, we break up,
We kiss, we make up' 


Now we never really fight like Perry says/
But we're always up and down, like Vicki says/
I don't know what it is/ why I go from hot to cold like this/ one minute I'm in with both feet/ next I want out, my mind has got me beat/ it's a T.K.O/ against my heart/ i know/ i love you but that's not the point/ i'm petrified that i'll disappoint/ you, so i push you away/ but i won't delay/ in telling you that there will be no foul play/ no, i will not stray/ while we're together, it'll always be valentines day/ i'll shower you with gifts without complaint/ and when we go out, i'll always pay/ becuase, without saying it in a overly elaborate way/ i want you to feel like a princess if that's okay?/ cuz you make me feel like a paddy on st. patrick's day/ and i think of you from the break of day/ 'til the end of play/ and i'll always be there in every which way/ forever and a day/ i'll do my best to kick my head into touch and be there to stay/ i'll be there with that 'S'/ on my chest/ but i'm Vitamin K/ no need to eat spinach with me about, i'll be stood at the end of your driveway/ holding a bouquet/ that moment exists in my dreams/ 'cuz right now i feel like i've run out of steam/ it's like i'm fighting a war with one hand tied behind my back/ i don't know why/ but sometimes/ i just prefer a lack/ of contact/ sometimes/ i just want space but i hate feeling like that/ i wanna be your Superman, Spiderman and Batman rolled into one/ i wanna be the one you dream of/ wanna be the one you think of late at night when you can't get to sleep/ wanna be the one you run to/ wanna be the one who won't ever hurt you/ i want to be able to hand you that ring on one knee and it be forever/ through sunny or stormy weather/ i need someone to talk to and that person is Vicki/ I need therapy and she/ is my therapist/ she/ helps me see/ what i'm blind to but, you're not/ 'cuz you're all that i want and all that i got/ i just need time to get over it/ and we just need time to work on our relationship.../

Great Britain [Political Beatdown]

Staring out of the windows, watching life pass me by/
People on the streets minding their own business/
Never been part of a group, which is why I can deny/
Being part of the machine, destroying creativity, I've been a witness/
To the destruction/
Voting for a slackjawed government because we believe in what they say they'll do/
Leading us into our oblivion/
Look at all the shit they've put us through/
From joingin the EU/ to mass over-population/
They want us to get the Euro, fuck the pound?/
Well I say "FUCK YOU!" We need to stand up and save out nation/
Can't we give the power back to the crown?/
We have our fathers, brothers, lovers, sons, dying overseas/
And yet/ They get no respect/
Companies won't stop to help in our time of need/
All they're concerned about is coming to collect/
Instead of giving people support, they throw them into the street/
How the hell is that helping things?/
Parents don't care if their kids wield knives and bully the weak/
The only way to get out of poverty is kicking a ball or singing/
And even then you can fade away into anonymity/
Too much emphasis is out on being a 'G'/
The crime rates are out of control in the cities/
Now you're not even guarranteed a job if you have a degree!/
Something needs to be done to put this world right/
We need to stand up and be counted, stand strong in unity/
'Cuz streets aren't safe at night/
Every one is guilty/ and alone we're still empty/
But together we're mighty/ We're Great Britain

Relationships Part II

I can't understand why people say the shit they do/ Like "I will never hurt you"' They get us on lock/ Pin us down in shock/ We fall into place/ Then they spit in our face/ 'Cuz when you let 'em in it's never the same/ For a while it's okay/ Then comes the change/ I love you so much it hurts/ But I'm starting to think this relationship is cursed/ I would do anything/ For you/ Give up everything/ For you/ I'd take a bullet/ Torture, I'd endure it/ I'd climb the highest mountain/ Swim the deepest oceams/ But I'm going thru the motions/ I stand here throwing coins into this fountain/ Wishing it didn't have to be this way/ Without you I'm not okay/ I would go to any length/ To go back to the day/ Where we were, I think about it every day/ You give me my strength/ But you had to go and betray/ Me, but my feelings haven't changed/ Haven't swayed/ Even though I've had people put it on a plate/ I still stayed faithful, never strayed/ Once, because my heart is yours/ It's a shame mine closed its doors/ But their not locked just yet/ So people don't place your bets/ Just yet/ I still wear my ring/ On my finger/ And I'm sing/-in these words, to you/ Begging you/ to/ hold out a little longer/ I'm still yours, I probably always will be/ The future is ours, you'll see.../

Relationships Part I

See/ I dunno what I did to make you wreak/ Havoc on my heart/ But to suss it out/ Well I guess I gotta go right back to the start/ Yuo abused my trust, I still can't believe what you did, it's like our relationship has gone from perfect to bleak/ Our connection is unique/ Our love antique/ When I think of you my knees go weak/ I can't speak/ But that all changed when you decided to sneak/ Behind my back and betray me. Wow, you got some cheek/ Don't ya? Bet you never thought I could have a nasty streak/ Now you're up shit creek/ Without a paddle. You lay your heart down, I keep a veil of mystique/ If you could take a peek/ Into my mind, just one glance will show my mental technique/ I wanna hurt you like you hurt me, I may appear weak/ But I'm certainly not meek/ See I know you're not perfect but I never thought you were oblique/ I started to believe we were meant to be/ That you loved me/ But the way you fucked me up, wow that was neat!/ In the fight for my life that feels like trick or treat/ You definitely have me beat/ You tore me/ apart, now I'm incomplete/ Your deceit/ Speaks volumes to me/ i don't wanna fight, after all I'm not made of re/inforced concrete/ I give up, I retreat/ You lied to me/ You're just another cheat/ You treat/ me like a piece of meat/ Why don't you grab a ringside seat?/ I walk down these streets/ Feeling like it's my fault, I must be obsolete/ I won't ever claim to be perfect, I'm definitely not elite/ 'Cuz I know I was never good enough, tryin' to keep up with you is some unbelievable feat/ I'm freaking out right now, quick, where's the ejector seat?/ My sanity is crashing down like Wall Street/ In 1929. It's true, to be honest, without you, I'm not complete/ I can't sleep/ Can't eat/ Without you, I'm no athlete/ Unlike you. Right now, i refuse to be discreet/ You really must fucking hate me/ After what you did to me/ What you've done to me/ Made me feel like I was nothing, when all I ever did was be there for you when you felt shitty/ Picked you up when others put you down like you were dirt/ You didn't just betray me/ You hurt/ me/ But you were always too busy/ With Carly, Lara/ or Tara/ This is the point where you'll try and calm me down, tell me it's all in my mind. But no! I will assert myself/ Because I'm alert/ To the fact that you're purposely trying to avert/ My attention/ Can't you feel the tension/ In the room? Bet you're feeling some suspension/ Apprehension/ But I'll keep it going a little longer, 'cuz you wore me out with your games, what I'm feeling is out of your comprehension/ Shall I just take you/ To the heart/ Of why I refuse/ To trust you?/ I refute/ Your claim that you don't hate me/ This anger is constantly building up, I'm feeling like the Incredible Hulk. I wanna teat off my shirt. I've grown still, and inert/ But I'm shaky, I'm about to wobble like Gelatine/ and fall like the machine/ at the end of the Terminator, and like that I'll get back up and get back into my routine/ All these words are just a smokescreen/ Distracting away from the true heart/ Of the matter/ The problem is whenever we get close, "the love kickstarts/ again", I'm tired of it/ So fuck it/ I'm sick of this shit/ You broke me down, but I'm buildin' it/ Back up, bit/ By bit/ "Brick/ By boring Brick"/ Like Paramore named their song, fuck it/ I've had enough of this stupid shit/ Before you get close, I'll leg it/ Before I lose it/ Curb it/ I'm trying to acquit/ My heart from the way it feels for you, I refuse to admit/ My feelings, you tell me that you're sorry, I don't buy it/ I'm sick of fighting, I submit/ I'm one step short of tombstoning into this spike pit/ I dream about the times our expectations failed to meet/ Our hands should be entwined/ Our lives combined/ Like Tulisa said "You only get one chance, don't get nine"/ Remember when I wrote "Fireworks"?/ I was tired of being treated like a jerk/ I know you have your quirks/ But you used them to draw me/ in, then merk/ me/ Brought me back to Earth/ With a bump/ Why did you treat me as if I was a chump?/ Acted as if I'm a cunt?/ With your games, done with this shit, all you made me do was compete/ Against Tara/ Carly and Lara/ In that order. Well you know what? You score a penalty. One - Nil. Ninetieth minute. The referee blows. The crowd roars/ It's over, you won/ I'm done./

'A Writer on Writing'

To see your smile/ I'd walk a mile/ To see your face/ There's no better place/ To be with you/ I'd go to any lengths/ 'Cuz you give me my strength/ To go to battle, wage war on this world called life/ Hold up this shit in a heist/ Move on and progress/ Shut the door on problems that started this mess/ You make me forget about everything I go through/ Pick me up when I'm feeling blue/ It's time that I took my head out from the clouds/ Get a grip and form smiles out of these frowns/ I gotta swallow my pride/ And come to realise/ You are my escape/ You lead me to a better place/ My love for you is undying/ There's no denying/ I'll jump, and hope I don't fall/ Just to be with my all/...

A Smile To Conceal The Pain

She lies everyday
To strangers
To loved ones
She pretends she's okay
In reality she's crying inside.

She avoids eye contact at all times
She plasters a smile on her face
Forces herself to laugh at people's dumb jokes
Avoids their eyes, those prying eyes
In reality, she's dying inside.

What will it take for people to see
She's a hazard to herself?
She's never been happy
Always been different
She's crying out for help

No one takes much notice
They're all wrapped up in their own Utopia
She cries herself to sleep most nights,
But, just tonight, she spends it writing
As she takes her own life.

Untitled (R 'n' B)

I had a dream/ last night, I was Adam, you were Eve, but that vision ended with that Apple on the tree/ I got that 'S'/ on my chest/ Cuz i'll do whatever it takes to save her/ i'm so in love all others are a blur/

For your love i'd die hard like Bruce Willis/
In making me laugh, yo you kill it/
Me and you, it's forever/
That'll never change, no never/

I got that 'S'/ on my chest/ Let me throw them blue and red/ threads/ on/ all I need is that certificate with my name on/ That'll come in time, i'll bet my life on/

Im'ma give you my spark/ help light up the dark/ when you're scared/ just know that I care/


For your love i'd die hard like Bruce Willis/
In making me laugh, yo you kill it/
Me and you, it's forever/
That'll never change, no never/

You can find me in the dark/
I'll be in the stars/
Find me in your heart/
I won't need a kickstart/ or a head start/
In the race for your love...

To Stalk / Or Be Stalked

I walk through the rain

I walk the same route every day.

I come into contact with you always

And only today did I notice you properly.



I see you in the rain spattered window

At night, I see you.

But, I do not want you to see me

When I think our eyes will meet I hide.



But tonight, just now

Our eyes did meet.

And, for a second

I saw anger and fear in your eyes.



The lights went out and I hid in the shelter of the darkness

But that did not stop you.

I heard the cock back of the gun

You have with you always.



You come through the door

You turn the safety off.

Your identity forever protected,

You pull the trigger...

Falling Apart

The smile quickly turns to tears

Her porcelain face cracks to pieces,

Salty tears run down the lines of her cheeks,

She can not open her mouth to speak.



Up above, sunshine turns overcast,

She knows her little act just will not last,

Everyone can see her every flaw,

It’s the red trails you just can not ignore.



The minutes drift away,

Stop pretending everything’s okay

I’ll look to tomorrow and start

As she started, falling apart



Falling through shadows, an image so surreal

Hits my eyes so hard, it’s overkill,

You build me up but just to watch me break,

I know what I should do but I just can’t walk away…

A Deadly Lifestyle

Nakano takes to tarmac as the homeless take to doorways


Flying through the air, like a ragdoll, caused by

A slip of the clutch/ A grab of the brake

A slip of the slicks/ A grab for safety

The catalyst stops/ The Fireblade keeps going

He hits the floor/ Lucky he had his Arai on.

In Memoriam (Geeta Aulakh)

Butchered for falling out of love.


Where is the honour in that?

Killed for wanting to be free.

Where is the honour in that?



Why is there punishment for this in life?

It’s getting out of hand.

Why should we live in fear?

It’s spiralling out of control.



Something needs to be done so women can feel safe.

Have you ever heard of a man killed in an honour crime?

None of this has to happen.

What is being done to protect women?



Women being circumcised without consent

Don’t they want their wife to achieve orgasm?

Obviously not,

Or are they that insecure of their performance?



Why are we seen as inferior?

We are sick of being patronised.

What can we do to change this?

We are sick of being ridiculed.

 
 
*This poem is about an honour killing near my house in Greenford, West London on Monday November 16th 2009

An Open Letter To Amanda Knox

Banged up, sent down


Smiles come from frowns.

Gone just 16 years

Thought you were clear

A crime meets punishment

Prison food for nourishment

Exercise one hour daily.



Stay safe, pay protection

Build up a connection

Safer to stay silent

That night turned violent

You and your boyfriend



You didn’t show mercy

Now neither will I

You ignored my cries

You took my life

Justice will take yours

…

A killer without cause

Broken

I am broken, I can not feel


Right behind this steering wheel.

My mind is bleeding, thoughts of you

I don’t know what I am going to do.



A big part of me has been ripped away,

I will never recover, never again be “Okay”,

Every day I think of you as I grow to the end of adolescence

Here goes my morning dose of anti-depressants.



I think I’ll drive, into this wall

It’s made of brick, stands twelve feet tall,

I’m gonna die, you said to me

Tears fill my eyes, I can not see.



I went into your room that night

To make up from our only fight.

I saw the bed sheets, no longer white, but red, soaked

I tried to scream, but I only choked.



If you are dying, I am too,

Screw this shit we’ve been through,

This is the worst day I’ve ever had.

I can’t believe I’m losing you, Dad.



I wanted to tell you “I’m sorry”, but then

Your heartbeat stopped, at 3am.

I think, as I spot the clock on the shelf,

I could always overdose, or hang myself.



I look into the mirror

I see you looking back, your features have never been clearer

You are the other half of me,

My half of 46, now just 23.



I wish I could take back the things I said,

I wish I told you I love you, and I didn’t want you dead,

I found the box of undelivered letters under your bed

From my mistakes, my anger has fed.



It’s been five years since that night.

I’m still not winning the recovery fight

I long for the day, we meet again,

Knowing what I lost causes me pain.



I close your eyes for you, my dear.

Now you’re ridden of your fears,

And as I blow your face a kiss

I swallow a bullet; it’s come to this…