An Apology – 20/02/2011 @ 9.21pm

When I look into your eyes

I can see your pain.

So let me in,

I can take the strain.

I’m the reason

That you feel this way.

Let me prove I am sorry

And make everything okay.

I know what I did was wrong

I know I’m a hypocrite.

But I wish I could take it back.

I treated you like shit.

I witnessed something

That shook my very foundations.

So I lashed out,

Didn’t hand out a chance to explanation.

I refuse to lie to you.

I did want to get you back

For what I thought you did to me

But my intuition was way out of whack.

You and me were always two of a kind.

You were always there, I just didn’t realise

Up until recently. I’ve been so blind!

The depth of your feelings were more than just a surprise.

I was the one in your “Grenade”

Until one day I woke up inside.

You tried to change yourself, so I would notice, but I love you “Just the way you are”

And I now feel the same “When we collide”

I shouldn’t have jumped to that conclusion

I made like Jack in The Shining

I fucked everything up

But every cloud has a silver lining

I remember the time, out with the girls

Just a normal day.

People thought Hayley was ours.

That smile, full of Pride, but your Heart, full of pain.

I know how it feels to be a mule amongst a stable of horses.

Your barriers are up

But I will stay my course

Ready for when you’re ready (to let me in)

There is only a brick wall between us

But it feels like so much more

You’re nearby, but you feel so far away.

But I will stay my course.

You know the lengths I will go

To keep you safe

You saw it with your own eyes

I don’t need a poker face.

If someone raised a knife or a gun to hurt you

I’d push you to the floor

Take your place

And never be less than 100% sure.

I’ve pushed you away from oncoming cars

Jumped on a railway, when you fell

Ran into a burning building

Jumped into a frozen lake.

There is nothing I wouldn’t do.

Addiction

I walk down these aisles, staring at the floor

I know if I look up I’ll be wanting more

This compulsion is getting stronger

Quitting is getting harder.

This addiction’s grip is getting tighter

My screams for reprieve are getting louder

These scars will not heal

And I’ve lost all will power.

People assure me that I’ve got their support

But right now, it always seems to come up short

Because I’m in the middle of a Pandemic

And I can no longer bear it.

The Day You Came Back – 20/02/2011 @ 9.00pm

I still remember the day you came back

You were wearing a Phoenix shirt, shorts and sandals

I still remember the way you smelt

Like flowers, sun tan lotion, and sea salt.

You’re hair was so blonde, dyed from the sunlight

And you were so brown. Tanned. God, you looked different

But the one thing that didn’t

Was your smile.

I still remember the day you left.

You picked your things and just went.

Got on a plane, so far away.

Didn’t even say Goodbye.

When our eyes met in arrivals.

Something ignited in me

and I’ve been unable to explain it until recently

during that time we were apart…

I never stopped loving you.

CTBK

You raise your voice.

You’ve got an audience.

You “demand respect” from me,

and no one else.

Yet when it all falls down,

and hits the fan

you count on me

to come up with a plan

and I always relent.

But not this time.

No way.

You gotta be cruel to be kind.

#1202900362

Sit alone staring at the same four walls

Examine the whitewash with my eyes

There’s a crack from one end to the other

That’s where the water gets in

My eyes trace each path the cracks make

It’s been there ever since I moved in

Nothing will be done until the walls fall down

And then it’d be too late

No one would miss me here

I can’t remember the last time I saw the sky

The Sun, the Moon, the Stars.

There’s no world out here anymore.

No matter how long I spend asleep

I’m always tired

I can barely think straight

But that’s exactly what they want

They want you to stay quiet, dormant

Empty of emotion

I like the lack of emotion part

I’ve cried too many times

In the day,

The silence is deafening

But at night,

The cries,

The screams,

It’s unbearable.

Bee vs. Hornet

I’m better than Muhammed Ali, I don’t sting like a bee / I make like a hornet, and I do that shit for free / I’m not a one-hit-wonder, I do this like you wouldn’t believe / I make hits / like a violent parent / all my lyrics are original, so I can take the credit / and not have to share it / I’ll be around for a number of years / getting better as time progresses / just as if I’m shifting gears / and I’ve barely gotten out of neutral / and you’ll be the one who confesses / you get the shakes / that you just can’t take / from me tearing you apart / so go take some pills / to prevent an attack on your heart /