the pretence of things being okay.
I can't look at your face, I'm ashamed
'cause inside I know I am claimed.
I can't change the past
so I won't even try.
How can we last
when we just collide?
We're too alike
and that's why we fight.
But it tears me up inside
to see you cry
I miss you like;
A plant would miss the water and the sun,
like a suicidal would miss a loaded gun.
If I could,
I'd kiss you like you'd never been kissed,
if I thought your heart could be won.
I've found myself on the event horizon
the point of no return.
I'm Icarus flying too close to the sun
And, like hell, it burns.
Whenever I try to resist
you cripple my resolve
with just one unconquerable blow.
The fog descends into mist
leaving me alone with my thoughts.
Walls closing in without a sound
Sunny skies overcome by cloud
Hearts sinking like the Titanic
With even less life boats
It makes me sick
I can barely cope.
Hands strangling me which are not there.
Crippling my body, starved of air.
Vice grip on my heart
I no longer care
if I live or I die.
Not my decision to share.
Pictures collected.
Memories filed.
Access denied.
Too painful to smile.
On the surface there's anger
inside is a disaster zone
Is there much point in putting pen to paper
when my soul is all alone?
I've got a black hole where my heart used to be
I stand shackled and chained to the floor
Prisoner in a world, but I don't want to be set free
I don't want the key that opens that door.
Pills don't ease the pain
Just leave me feeling numb
I should be used to this
This is the life I've claimed
Twenty-two years, it's become
Almost something I'd miss.
Pain is my affliction
Without it, I barely function
Never been stable, nights full of tears. & cries
It's an addiction
With all the lows & none of the highs
That's what happens when a child is born into dysfunction.
Life seems to be redefining me constantly
Don't even recognise my reflection in the mirror
The changes I see are more than a little unsettling
Find myself wanting to go from Saint to Sinner.
Flames burning the candle
at both ends.
Feelings getting hard to handle,
and no one understands.
Nobody but you.
You're my Cocaine, Weed & Ecstasy all in one
my Ultimate high & Beautiful come-down
Every time I say "I'm done"
I find my decision gets turned upside down.
With just one smile.
So put my mind at ease
And let me heal your wounds
I need to find a bittersweet release
To settle this chaotic mood.
I've gone from being down on one knee
To being down on both.
The emotion inside me is relentlessly fierce
How can you think I'd want to be free
From the person to whom I'm betrothed?
I'm dying a painful death like a major artery has been pierced
I still don't wish to escape this fate.
I'm at the apex of this learning curve
Maybe this pain is the retribution my soul deserves
Am I to blame for the problems my past creates?
Paranoia - People are staring. Do they see through my façade?
Insecurity - I'm not good enough.
Jealousy - What's he got that I haven't?
Guilt - Is this all my fault?
Fatalism - This was always going to happen.
I don't deserve happiness.
What possible start
could a young child have,
when they've been told they're bound to wind up a criminal?
Doesn't it matter what's in my heart?
Or am I forever exiled from being saved?
I refuse to accept that sentence, I stand bold.
I'm a fucking fighter; I have been from the very start
Like Atlas, there's a world on my shoulders
Cupid has no place in this
The one I need is Anteros
Like Icarus, I'm a moth to the flame.
I'm the Achilles, you're my heel
I am Perseus and this depression is my Medusa
I'd sacrifice anything to be unable to feel
Many would have given up, I refuse to
And just like my mind, this is spinning out of control
It may be chaotic but it soothes my soul
Keeps me warm and safe from the cold
These words forever immortal, can not get old...
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